About us
Resource info
Publications
Way to go/ Hamdard
Introduction
Messages
Rishta
Verification
Nikah & Rukhsati
Life in America
Unhappy marriage &
abuse
How to recognize &
identify abuse
 
Verification

You may consider verifying some of the information that has been provided. This can be done by hiring a detective (also called a private investigator) and providing your prospective son-in-law's date of birth, social security number, the places he has lived in and any addresses you have for him. Retain only licensed detectives, who work independently or for a professional agency.

Typically, they can:
a) Conduct a social security check to verify the facts you have been given.
b) Determine if he has ever had criminal charges filed against him or been arrested. for drunk driving, (called a DUI' Driving Under the Influence,).

c) Check, to a limited degree only, for records of previous marriages and divorces. This information is often incomplete, because marriages are recorded only in the country (like our municipalities ) they occur in. If someone living in one country, goes to another one or another state, to get married, that record can not traced without knowing which country’s marriage register sthe detective should check.

To get the above information, and advise about how to proceed:
  • Ask the prospective son-in-law and his family first.
  • Contact Kismet, Informal Counsel and Information Source.
  • Seek out referrals for a private investigator. Women' Organizations in the USA will not help you get information, but can refer you to a Professional detective agency (who will charge you for their services).
Some Cautionary Notes!

Even when parents come to America and find out information about a prospective groom and further more, verify it through a detective agency, they could still gather an inaccurate picture.

It is of course not always possible to understand the true personality of someone within a short period of time. Everyone puts his best foot forward in such a situation. How a person appears to his friends and colleagues may be quite different from how he will behave with his wife. In fact many abusers can be charming, and their wives reports of domestic violence are met with disbelief and dismissal.

When parents spend time and money to gather all this information about a potential groom and they like him, they may end up putting more pressure on their daughter to accept the proposal, and later, to stay in the marriage if it becomes abusive. Paradoxically, women may end up being more vulnerable when the search for a perfect match is so thorough.