Women’s rights confer power and dignity:

Traditionally parents have arranged marriages. Now with a deeper understanding of women’s rights and given the expanded roles women have, they must get involved in the decision making process too. Marriages, whether they are arranged, or one where a man and woman select each other, are loving partnerships, based on equality and respect. Supporting a daughter’s participation and choices mean empowering her, believing in her.

Parents have their daughter’s best interest at heart, but our traditions have made it difficult for us to help them when their marriages are abusive or cause suffering. Parents have many responsibilities and pressures, and feel relieved that their daughter is now well settled. Many abused women report that their parents did not believe them or even blamed them for the abuse, making them feel even lonelier and more miserable. Parents do need to let their daughters know that they will always be welcomed back if anything goes wrong; that they do not need to suffer to be good women; and that they have a right to live with dignity and in peace.

No matter how thoroughly a potential husband is checked out, there is no guarantee that this process ensures a potential wife’s safety. Women and parents must avoid a false sense of security, or the pressure to accept when they have doubts. This brochure offers help about a rishta from abroad, but even when a man is in Pakistan, or in the neighbourhood, or even in the family, there is no assurance about his good character or behaviour.