FUNDAMENTAL SUITOR INFORMATION
Basic Facts
It is important to confirm some of the following basic facts about him. Date and place of birth. Current street address with zip code; do not accept a PO Box number. Current email address. Social security number or social insurance number (a nine digit number XXX-XX-XXXX). Everyone who lives in the United States and Canada has one. Driver’s license number and the place of issue. If the suitor does not drive, he will have an I.D. with his picture, also issued by the Department of Motor Vehicles. List of all the cities and states in the U.S. and Canada the suitor has lived in. Passport copy showing name, picture, passport number, date of issue, city of issue and expiration date. Immigration or citizenship papers, green card, or work permit (called an H-1B visa, which is a non-immigrant classification for professionals temporarily employed in the United States). Marital status - information about all previous or current marriages, divorces and children. Proof of educational qualifications. Professional license (e.g., if suitor is a teacher, physician, architect, attorney, etc.) and proof of most recent license renewal. This proves that he is in good standing with the licensing authority and that his license has not been revoked.
References
Typically the suitors’ family will agree to provide references from the United States and/or Canada regarding their son. Do not rely only on these letters or opinions, as they are often friends or family members who feel obligated and pressured by their own families to say good things; and keep their real opinions to themselves. If possible, ask the suitor and/or his family for letters from the imam and community leaders from his local mosque. Such letters may potentially provide a broader understanding of the suitor’s character.
Community Reputation
Ask to be introduced to his social contacts. These are the people your daughter will meet, respect, rely on, and befriend. In addition to attending social gatherings coordinated by the suitor and his family, attend social functions at the local mosque to gain a better understanding of how the suitor is perceived by the wider community.
Social Contacts
Typically the suitors’ family will agree to provide references from the United States and/or Canada regarding their son. Do not rely only on these letters or opinions, as they are often friends or family members who feel obligated and pressured by their own families to say good things; and keep their real opinions to themselves. If possible, ask the suitor and/or his family for letters from the imam and community leaders from his local mosque. Such letters may potentially provide a broader understanding of the suitor’s character.
Financial Status
Ask for (a) copies of the suitors’ bank statements for the past 6-12 months from all his accounts and (b) tax returns for the past 2-5 years. These records will provide proof of his earnings and financial stability. If the suitor declines than he may be hiding something.
Marital Status
Legally, suitors from the United States and Canada must be single or divorced in order to marry a new spouse. If the suitor has been married before, request to see his divorce records. Were the divorce and child custody proceedings (if applicable) conducted with fairness and respect? Were there allegations or charges of domestic violence or sexual abuse by the former wife? Some men attempt to remarry without obtaining an official divorce, or marry before the divorce has been finalized. Some men also claim that because they gave a 'talaak' (Islamic divorce), they do not need a civil divorce. Some men say that because the couple married outside the U.S., they do not need a divorce in the U.S. However, remarriage without a legitimate civil divorce through the United States legal system is considered bigamy, and the second marriage will not be recognized as legal. To check if he has been married before, you need the name of the cities and states he has lived in, because marriage records are only kept by the county (called a municipality in Pakistan); that is why we ask parents to collect this as part of the basic information.
Immigration Status
Confirm the suitor’s immigration or citizenship status by requesting the items listed above – passport of whichever country he is a citizen, green card, special visas like the work permit (H-1B) that permit residency.
Health
In making your decision, it may be helpful to inquire if there is a history of health and/or mental health problems; and what the accompanying treatments are / have been. Do ask for proof of health insurance and ensure that he can add his wife to his health plan (medical care in the United States without insurance is prohibitively expensive). Voluntary medical check-ups of both members of a couple before marriage are desirable. A caution about confidentiality! Medical records are rightly confidential to protect the safety of the patient, doctors do not routinely give the file to their patients; so you cannot ask for a copy of the suitor’s health check-up and prospective brides should not agree to give their health records either.