1 Does your husband or do your in-laws…
· Push , kick, slap, bite or hit you? Develop destructive fits of rage?
· Abuse you sexually by forcing you to commit or watch sexual acts?
· Destroy furniture or household items in fits of rage?
· Control all the money and deny you access to bank accounts & credit cards?
· Control your activities and prevent you from seeing friends and family?
· Threaten to kick you out of the house, and/or to have you deported? (He can not have you deported, it is legal procedure undertaken only by the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS).

· Insult and humiliate you, your children or other family members?
· Become jealous and accuse you of having affairs?
· Blame you for his abusive behaviour? (“You talked back to me”)
· Abuse the children and / or force them to watch you being abused?
· Threaten you, your children or your family members if you tell anyone about the abuse or try to leave?
· Play on your guilt, asking for another chance and making promises to change.

2 Do you…
· Fear your husband / or in-laws, and fear that nobody will believe you?
· Spend a lot of time watching your husband's mood before speaking?
· Doubt your judgment or think you are crazy?
· Feel depressed, trapped, lacking in self-confidence, and powerless?

3 If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, you should know that … · There is nothing wrong with you and you are not causing his violence. · You are not alone 66% of women report being abused. · You do not have to suffer in silence to be a good wife, mother, daughter, daughter in-law, sister or friend. · Violence does not end without help. It escalates in frequency and severity. · Staying in an abusive home is not best for the children. They are terrified, often afraid to go to school, and have many emotional problems. 4. Remember, safety is critically important…

What to do? Who to contact?
Make a plan even if you think there may not be another incident of violence.
Tell those you trust about the violence: a doctor, a friend or a family member.
Call the police by dialing 911. Even if you do not say anything or speak only a little English, the police will show up. When you dial 911, the address of the location you are calling from automatically shows up at the police station. If you call from a cell phone, you do have to tell them where you are, your location is not automatically revealed to the police.
Develop a code or a system to alert a neighbour or someone who can help you; this is often referred to as a safety plan. Women’s organizations will help you to create one for yourself and your children.

What our culture expects
Our culture expects women to suffer in silence and preserve the honour of the family. It does not blame men for wife-abuse and dishonouring the trust placed in them. We urge women to get help, to talk to someone, to find your own strength, to discuss your worries and suffering without fear of shame or criticism.

Parents, family members and friends can help an abused daughter or relative by giving her comfort, not putting pressure on her to make things better, or blaming her for what is happening. Help her recognize the abuse, give her affirmation and confidence, give her a chance to get some help, give her a phone number.

And indeed, there is help available from women's organizations in America. Narika and other similar programs for abused women provide free and confidential services in Urdu, Punjabi, or English. Narika can connect Pakistani women living in the USA to helpful resources, provide the support and information they need to make their own decisions, and offer comfort in a time of despair and loneliness.

If your daughter, sister, niece, cousin, or friend is married abroad and is a victim of spouse abuse, she can call a women's organization for help. And, family members too can turn to us for compassionate support and information.